A close family member graduated at the end of 2017 from Drug Court. Drug Court is a program that treats the addiction instead of incarcerating it. The Drug Court program isn’t for every situation. Thankfully, it was right for our family and we will be forever grateful as it played a significant role in saving our family member’s life. The journey of having a close family member with an addiction to alcohol has been an experience that took us on a winding, often painful, but valuable journey as it was educational, insightful, and strengthening.
There were so many lessons in the journey. Some things I had heard before but had to experience first-hand to fully understand. Some lessons helped me better understand my own struggle with an eating disorder and depression. Other lessons were brand new to me.
The first thing I learned, and something I had always heard, is that addiction doesn’t just affect the addict. It truly is a family disease that casts a net much wider than on just the person with the addiction. I learned that addiction to alcohol is considerably more prevalent than I realized, that it truly knows no boundaries when it comes to income, age, or gender, and that it is often hiding in plain sight.
Learning the hard way, I discovered that when someone tells you that you cannot help an addict until he/she is ready for help, they are giving you solid advice. I learned that there are lots of ways to enable an addict, even when you believe you are doing the right or best thing. I learned that, “tough love” earned its name not just because the way you are treating your loved one feels harsh, but also because it is incredibly tough to do. Justification to enable comes so easily. Enabling often feels better until you understand more and realize your actions are actually harmful to the addict.
I learned about so many excellent resources that are available. When I learned how many AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) meetings were on the schedule around the town in which I live, I was very surprised and saddened. When I learned how important those meetings are for so many in recovery, I understood. When I learned how many people struggle with addiction, I understood even more and became very grateful for all those opportunities for those who seek the service. Al-Anon (a program for those who have someone in their life who has an addiction) has proven to be an extremely valuable resource. The open AA meetings were also valuable to my family. There are resources within the courts, the Drug Court program, and law enforcement that we found beneficial. When my family had questions, for the most part, everyone we spoke with within the criminal justice system was kind and eager to answer our questions. Even more kind and helpful were the people I asked to speak with who had been through this before. There are many of them who were so willing to listen, give advice, offer encouragement, and remind us to take care of ourselves when we became so consumed with taking care of another person.
I learned a lot about where I stand on addiction, resources available, and the criminal justice system. I fully believe addiction is a disease and not a choice and that it should not be treated as if it is a crime. Like my own struggle with an eating disorder, it is a mental health disorder that takes learning a whole new set of behaviors and coping mechanisms to manage. It is a struggle that will forever be with the addict, getting easier over time with the proper resources in place. I am a dedicated supporter of treating the addiction and not incarcerating the addict. Of course, criminal acts must be addressed accordingly, but without teaching an addict how to live and think differently, simply locking him/her up for a length of time is not the answer.
Most importantly, I learned that people don’t have to struggle alone. It truly saddens me knowing that there are people who live every day in pain because they are an addict, or they are concerned about one. There are people who have not yet reached out to the very strong and kind network of open arms, ready to accept and support anyone who is ready to be there.
Please don’t be embarrassed or hesitant for any reason to ask for help. Whether you are an addict, a friend or family member of an addict, or have another kind of mental health struggle, reach out. If anyone judges you, they aren’t worth your time. What is worth your time is happiness and living a healthy life.