The communication match game – matching what you communicate with what you actually mean. Easier said than done sometimes. The ultimate meaning of communication always sits with the receiver of it, so the sender of communication must do everything possible to convey the intended meaning. I posted on social media recently a promise to give you a blog post about improving your communication. Here is me delivering on my promise.
Communication is an interesting thing. It is so important to relationships, positive outcomes, successful projects, and many other results. Yet, it can be so difficult to offer or engage in effective communication. Although I can work with an organization or individual to help improve communication, effective communication goes well beyond a laundry list of tips and tricks. Of course, the items on that list are very important, but there is more to it. I’ll start with the list, though.
Listen. You can greatly improve your communication be simply becoming a better listener. “Listen to understand, not to reply.” (Stephen Covey). Listen intently. Listen with eye contact and appropriate nonverbal responses. Listen without interrupting.
Be direct and efficient with your communication. Get to your point with ease. Avoid distractions – physical or mental.
Ask questions for clarification. Restate what you think you heard to make sure you understood.
Don’t use a text for what should be a phone call. Don’t use a phone call for what should be face-to-face.
Think before responding. That moment of silence is ok! Use it to your advantage to gather your thoughts. Take a day to respond to an email that pushes your buttons.
Make sure your nonverbal matches your verbal communication. Evaluate your body language to make sure it is open to receiving and engaging in dialogue.
These are the tactical things you can do to improve your communication. But effective communication is more than mastering these skills. When I started evaluating what really makes communication effective, I came up with some things that fall outside of the usual list.
The best communication happens when the parties engaged in it are present to the interaction. It happens when they are interested in the topic. It happens when they care about the outcome of the conversation, and about the person/people they are communicating with. Effective communication happens when both parties agree that there is value in the topic at hand. This is especially important in relationships. If one person is passionate about a topic and the other doesn’t believe it matters, the communication will likely not be effective. For communication to be most effective, it needs to be authentic and honest.
The skills described above can certainly improve communication, but to have meaningful interactions, communication goes beyond just those skills. You have to know, and believe in, the value of the communication and be present in the experience.