Roughly 95% of us believe we are self-aware, but surveys done by Psychologist Trisha Eurich show that only 10-15% of us are truly self-aware.
That’s not good.
Self-awareness is critical for life success. Defined, self-awareness is our own knowledge of our character, feelings, motives, and desires. To add more context, our self-concept is our self-constructed belief of who we are, self-awareness is how accurate that perception is, and self-esteem is how we feel about who we believe we are.
So only 10-15% of us are accurate in our own image of who we are. Yikes.
Why does it matter?
Those who are more self-aware are more successful. They are better decision makers and better at persuading others. Self-awareness helps us see things and understand things from multiple perspectives and helps keep us free from assumptions and biases. Self-awareness helps us build and maintain better relationships and communicate more effectively. Self-awareness is a key component of emotional intelligence.
When we think about the number of people who think they are self-aware but aren’t and look at the positive outcomes of having greater self-awareness, we can start to piece together the impact that a lack of self-awareness might be having on our life.
Have you gotten passed up for a promotion but were certain you were the best choice? Perhaps your self-awareness isn’t as clear as it could be.
Do you argue repeatedly with someone in your life? Maybe both of you should consider your self-awareness.
Does drama seem to follow you around? Try improving your own self-awareness to understand your role in that drama. It cannot possibly be everyone else’s fault all the time.
Are you left out of some social gatherings that your friends or neighbors host? Check your self-awareness.
Improving our self-awareness can be painful, but the outcome of making those improvements is well worth the temporary pain. We may have to admit things that are difficult to admit or hear truths from others that are not fun or easy to hear.
It is like the running assessment I had done earlier this year. It took watching myself run on video and someone else telling me how I could improve to solve the hip pain problem I was having. That’s how developing self-awareness works. We rely on feedback from others to help us learn who we are and once we learn who we are, we can address pain points in our lives and work on areas that need attention.
How do we improve our self-awareness? It takes a conscious effort and a willingness to admit where we are.
View how others interact and communicate with you. Look for patterns. Have some insight into how you might be responsible for those patterns, both good and bad.
Ask others for honest input. Ask people you trust to tell the truth and not hold back because they are afraid of hurting your feelings. If someone asks you for your feedback, be honest but not judgmental.
Seek to identify what bothers you in other people and then ask yourself if you could possibly be doing the same thing(s). Research shows that sometimes what bothers us in other people are the same things that we do not like about ourselves.
Key to success of these methods are several behaviors, or avoidance of certain behaviors.
First, be cautious not to let yourself become defensive. It is easy, and we are quick to defend ourselves, because no one likes to be told they are doing something wrong. Defensiveness stands in the way of our ability to internalize what we hear and use it to improve.
Second, allow yourself to be vulnerable in your insight. It’s ok to admit if you are too much one way or another. The important part is that you work to improve yourself when you learn things that could be better and lead to a better life and better relationships.
Third, remember you can only change your own behaviors and thoughts so spending energy wishing others would change is a waste of energy. Focus on your own growth.
Self-awareness is important and can add tremendous value to our lives. Are you in the 15% who are self-aware or are you in the 80% who falsely believe they are? Learn where you are right now and dedicate time to taking steps to improve.